Gratitude

Jeanie Coen, 12 years old - circa 1950

Dedicated to Mary “Jeanie” Coen.

One week ago today, I lost my Grandmother, Jeanie. This woman still had a lot of living to do, but despite the efforts of the physicians to fix her and make the remainder of her time here more tolerable, they failed her. Not because they didn’t do everything they could, but because my grandma’s body couldn’t handle the fixing it needed. She had just been sick for far too long to withstand the procedure of a routine surgery.

The first two days were extremely rough.

All I could think about was, what seemed never-ending, thoughts of “what if” and “why” — and all the memories of my childhood that I forgot were there came flooding in as well.

Witnessing my Mother’s heartache also made me think of my own parent’s passing one day, but then I had to check myself. That headspace was not a path I needed to travel down in that moment.

My Grandma was a little spit fire. She loved and sacrificed so much for her family throughout a life of hardships and blessings that made her one of the most humble and strong individuals I had the pleasure of knowing and loving.

Jeanie was also a big presence in life—not just to her family, but to her church. Everyone knew and loved her. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard “If I could have a mother it would be Jeanie” or “a sister, it would be Jeanie.” My Grandma was well-known for her sweet + salty attitude, which was infectious because she’d either be making you laugh or would be a pain in your butt! She was spiritual, a giver, an incredible artist, loved to play music, and an inspiration to say the least.

The third day… the healing began.

When my mother and her siblings looked to see what my Grandma had written for plans of her passing, all it said was “Celebrate.”

Rather than staying in my home and crying with all my thoughts on replay, my family and I rallied our loved ones together.

Family I haven’t seen since before the pandemic gathered to eat, drink, and share all the happy memories of our beloved wife, mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, sister, and friend. I believe it was one of the best days that any of us have experienced in a long time.

Day four… I stopped crying.

I know there are still difficult days ahead. There’s an empty hole in my heart that I know someday time will heal. Until then, I’ve felt nothing but gratitude for the healing powers brought on by spending much needed time with my family. Being with each other is all we needed. And this is exactly what Jeanie wanted for us. I’m grateful for this lesson and will remember it as I move forward in life.

I love you dearly and I miss you dearly, Grandma.

~ Always your Libra sweetheart